Tag Archives | relationships
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7 Types Of Effective Communication And Why You Need To Know Them

It’s not enough to know  whom you are talking to, communicate, influence, and in the case of our children perhaps teach. If you want to be effective in your communication, you need to understand the best way to reach them. This has been proven time and time again.

This is the key to success, better relationships, and higher productivity at work. In fact, this strategy has been shown to lower stress by minimizing conflict and encourage camaraderie and teamwork, whether personal or professional.


Roosevelt and Churchill in conversation (Zorba the Geek) / CC BY-SA 2.0

It doesn’t matter whether it’s a customer, client, child, spouse, co-worker, or members of a board or committee. You must connect in the manner that resonates with them. It sounds difficult, but it really isn’t once you start practicing it.

Types of communication:

Informing – Some people just want the facts laid out for them. They pay attention to facts and figures, studies and other concrete data.

Analyzing – These people don’t want specific facts, but rather a summary. You need to offer an analysis and boil down the information or request in a meaningful matter.

Persuasive – This type of person wants to know what’s in it for them. Why should they agree to act in a certain way or perform a specific action? They must be convinced. Present your argument.

Mediating – Compromise, compromise. With these people, you have to be willing to give a little. They need to feel heard and respected. Find the common ground and find the solution that satisfies you both.

Emotional – This kind of communication is all about feelings. Knowing what is important and what touches these people is the key. Appeal to their emotions and connect on a compassionate and understanding level.

Entertaining – Wit, humor and levity influences these people. Serious facts are useless, be interesting and lighthearted when possible.

Inspiring – Offer motivation, inspiration, and big picture results. These people need to feel as though they are making a difference, some kind of impact.

The way to practice communication that is more effective requires that you improve your observation and listening skills. Pay attention to the people around you and be more interested in general. We could all use a little more of that.

What type of communicator are you? It helps to understand that too.

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English: Slow Road.

Slow Down! You May be Missing Something Important

English: Slow Road.

Image via Wikipedia

“Slow down and enjoy life. It’s not only the scenery you miss by going too fast – you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.” Eddie Cantor

Slow down! You may be missing something important…your life.

This time of year it’s more important than ever to slow down and enjoy your life. Unfortunately for most of us this is also the busiest time of year; shopping, wrapping, socializing and we still have to keep up with our work obligations and family responsibilities. It doesn’t leave much time for holiday cheer, let alone, time to take in the scenery.

Unless we make a conscious decision to do so. You can make excuses all day long. In the end the choice is yours. As a “busyholic in recovery” I can tell you that I get it. I understand the avalanche of tasks, the never-ending demands, and the bottomless inbox. I get it. I really do. But to what end? Where are you going and why?

I can tell you where I am going!

I am going to sit and enjoy one more Christmas concert and actually listen to the children singing and playing their hearts out instead of lamenting over the chores that are waiting for me at home and what I could have gotten done if I didn’t have to attend.

I am going to sit and play Othello and Battleship with my son in front of the fire instead of making one more trip to the mall for that “perfect” present.

I am going to cuddle and rock my smoochable grandbaby instead of trekking back up to my office late at night for one more work session.

I am going to drink coffee with my husband and watch the snowflakes fall instead of checking my email on a Sunday morning.

Where are you going? Can you slow down and enjoy your life more?

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Evaluate Your Life Score… Take the Test

If you think of life in terms of a game, then perhaps you should give yourself a score of some sort. How else will you know how you’re doing?

And really why shouldn’t you? Despite the fact that it is often serious and at times difficult, life really does play out much like a game. We compete against each other and sometimes work in teams. We try to accumulate possessions and titles as if they were points on the scoreboard. We advance by a combination of choices, strategy and sheer luck.

So why shouldn’t we get a score?

Only in this case you are the only one who can decide how many points you are awarded…

Let’s have some fun and find out how we are doing at the game of life.

Give yourself from 1 – 20 points in each of the 5 areas based on how well you think you are doing.

Health – How is your health? Consider your weight, diet, fitness and energy as well as any health problems you may have.

Relationships – How are your relationships? How deep and fulfilling is your relationship with your significant other, your children, your parents or your siblings. How about your friends?

Career – How satisfied are you with your career or business life? Are you content? Are you contributing meaningful work? Are you doing something you enjoy? Are you being valued appropriately?

Happiness – How happy are you? Really? Do you feel good about your life? Do you have a hopeful, positive attitude? Do you feel a sense of balance or are you feeling unstable or overwhelmed?

Money – This is not about how much money you have, but with your perception of it. Do you have enough money? Are you responsible in your managing of your money? Do you feel secure about money? Or are you always worried?

Now add up your score in each area to get your “Life Score.”

Your score is yours alone. You do not have to share. It’s not about comparing or competing with anyone other than yourself. You decide what it means and what, if anything, you’d like to do about it.

My scoring guidelines:

75-100 – You are either lying to yourself…or you really know what you want out of life and are making good decisions and taking consistent action to keep moving in a positive direction.

50-74 – You are probably making good choices much of the time and may have some idea of what you want out of life, but there is room for improvement. You may have a nagging health issue or be worried about money or unhappy in your career. Or you may just be juggling everything pretty well, but feel that you can do better.

25-49 – You probably aren’t really clear on what you want or what you should be doing.  You know that your choices could be better, but you just can’t seem to take consistent action toward your goals. Or you are so focused on one aspect of your life that the others are completely suffering. You could use some help.

0-24 – You desperately need help! You are totally missing out on the fullness of what life has to offer you. But you can make changes. It’s not hopeless; not at all.

How did you do? Are you happy with your life score?

If you are…. Congratulations! Good job!

If you’re not… You can do better. Change is possible and it’s doesn’t even have to be that hard. You might benefit from coaching, from self-discovery, life planning or clear goal setting. The good news is that much of your life is within your control. Yes, there is an element of luck and circumstances, but to a large extent you have the power.

Your power lies in your choices, your actions and your attitude.

How you use that power determines the outcome and experience of your life.

Care to share? How satisfied are you with your life score? What will you do about it?

Question everything, move forward, enjoy the journey.

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Celebrate...

Self Indulgent Birthday Gift to Myself

Celebrate...

Image by Јerry via Flickr

As a very self-indulgent birthday gift to myself, I’m going to share my favorite poem of all time. Though it may not be relevant to business; it is most certainly relevant to life.

Happy birthday to me! 

I have a beautifully framed version of this poem sitting on my bookshelf, given to me by a dear friend, that I look at every day to remind myself to be thankful for each day I am given. In the spirit of gratitude I’d like to share it with you.

If I Had My Life To Live Over

If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the ‘good’ living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television – and more while watching life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.”

There would have been more “I love you’s”.. More “I’m sorrys” …

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute… look at it and really see it … live it…and never give it back.

© Erma Bombeck

Question everything, move forward, enjoy the journey.

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Sun going down

Why Do We Resist What We Need Most?

Sun going down

Image by RoyaleScuderi via Flickr

We all need time away, to reflect, to restore…to rest. Why is it that when the opportunity presents itself we either obsess about it or push it out of our minds?

Personal confession: My husband and I have been planning a long weekend away for several months to celebrate our anniversary (and a bit of my birthday too since they are 5 days apart.) He missed both occasions last year (deployed to Afghanistan.)But for most of that time I stubbornly refused to research what activities we might wish to do, where we might like to eat, what I would need to bring and the arrangements that needed to be made (dogs, kids, etc.).

Why?

Perhaps it was because it was still in the future and I didn’t want to get excited too early. Perhaps it was too stressful thinking about arrangements and choices. Here’s another confession…I really hate making decisions…big or small…I hate them all. (We’ll dissect that another time.)

The truth.

I think that I was too darn busy and this was just one more item to add to my already burgeoning to-do list. How many of you feel that same way? C’mon be honest.

Planning your vacation turns out to be so stressful that you end up not enjoying it.

Thinking about upcoming celebrations puts you over the edge; gifts, food, invitations, shopping, too much to think about!– birthday parties, entertaining, Christmas…(Don’t even go there, I’m getting hives.)

You have a long weekend coming up so in preparation you work 10 hour days to get everything done and you’re too exhausted to enjoy your time away.

Or while you’re on your break away, you can’t stop thinking about everything you need to do at work, at home, when you get back and worse you’re annoyed by your inability to relax. (Wait…Maybe that’s just me?)

So, what can we do? How do we fix this?

I really don’t have the answer to this one. But here’s what I’m going to try:

I’m going to read some of my old posts on the importance of recharging, refueling, rest and relaxationand try to take some of my own advice.

I’m going to remind myself that I am lucky to have a husband and partner that I truly enjoy spending time with and further that he and our relationship deserves my time and attention (more of taking my own coaching advice.)

I am going to take a deep breath and unplug… totally. I sense a bit of anxiety just writing that…must be social connection & technology withdrawal anticipation(might have to toss in a Facebook or Twitter mobile pic upload.) (I really must listen to my own coaching more often!)

Wish me luck! And if you have any advice to toss my way…please…feel free.

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ruthless

How Ruthlessness Can Actually be a Good Quality

ruthlessBe ruthlessly selective, both in life and in the workplace. If you want to cultivate a fulfilling, satisfying and productive career or home-life you must carve it out for yourself. You need to be careful to make choices that take you closer to the life you want to live or to the career that is most fulfilling to you.

And sometimes those choices may be difficult. You may make people angry. You may let people down. But in the end if you want to achieve your best life, your best career, your best balance between the two, then you must be brave enough, bold enough and sometimes ruthless enough to make the difficult choices.

This is your life! This is your career! Isn’t it worth a little bit of ruthlessness?

 

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Are You Living Consciously?

What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: Our life is the creation of our mind.– Buddha

Do we live our days to the fullest? Or are we to caught up in the ‘daily grind’ of just getting by and forget to appreciate the blessings that we have been given. Do we pay attention to our words and actions; and the effects they have on the people around us and the world in general?

When you start to live consciously, you expand on all levels: your mind, body, and emotions. You will become aware of things that were previously unseen, unknown, unrecognized or unappreciated. Your actions will become mindful as you learn to understand how your behavior affects the physical, the immaterial and the emotional state of yourself and those you interact with. By Living Consciously you will soon be able to see the truth more clearly, and learn how to take complete responsibility for the choices you make — enabling you to reach your full potential and live a life of wonder and marvelous adventure.

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Are You Ready for Change?

“It’s not that some people have willpower and some don’t. It’s that some people are ready to change and others are not.” ―James Gordon

Are you ready to make changes in your life? To move to a  more fulfilling, productive and purposeful type of existence?

Don’t be ashamed to answer no! This may not be the right time in your life. You may not be ready to examine what you have been doing. You may not have a burning desire to accomplish something more than you have so far. You may not feel that it’s important to know where you’re going in life or sort out the meaning and purpose behind your life and work.

That’s OK. Really. Just briefly consider that clinging to your old habits and attitudes may be costing you more than you think. It can be physically and mentally freeing to let it all go and try something different.

Consider a career shift if you don’t feel fulfilled.

Examine your family roles and dynamic.

Analyze your routines and habits – both personal and professional.

Evaluate the health of your relationships.

Assess or re-assess your goals and priorities.

Look at your health patterns.

Move toward a mindset of generosity, kindness, forgiveness and gratitude.

You may find many areas where it’s time for a change. What would you like to do about it? Change is inevitable. Why not make it a considered change rather than a forced one?

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Complete Contentment is Not a Fable

animalsComplete contentment may be one of the most treasured states that we will ever have the opportunity to experience.  It’s there somewhere buried under the surface of stress, worry and anxiety. We just have to dig down deep and pull it up. Re-frame our focus and be open to a different way of looking at our lives.

Yes, we’re busy.  Certainly we have way too much to do and not enough time to do it in.  Of course we’re under stress and pressure.  Undoubtedly we’re exhausted and overwhelmed.  And? That’s life my friend.

If we step back for a minute, don’t we like something about our work?  We surely love the money and benefits we get from it if nothing else. Perhaps we even get satisfaction or recognition from it. If not, then at least it finances the rest of our lives.

We certainly value and love our children, family and friends.  They’re annoying at times, but funny and supportive at others. We may never know what to expect, but they add something of significance to our lives and keep us from being dull.

We can even the respect how tired we are. That usually means that we are contributing something to the world and hopefully accomplishing our goals and that feels good.

Contentment not a place you get to, but a place inside you that you can step into and experience at any time. It is quiet and busy, calming and energizing all at the same time.  It may be submerged under chores and worries, busyness and chaos, but if you look deep enough it’s there – I promise. You just have to look!

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Have You Lost Your Perspective?

A photo of The Thinker by Rodin located at the...

Image via Wikipedia

Little things can mean a lot, especially when we focus of all our attention on them, obsess and ruminate about them, and can’t seem to let them go.  Sometimes we just keep turning disturbing thoughts over and over in our minds, believing that we will surely figure out a solution if we just think about them long enough and hard enough.

When we engage in this kind of behavior, it is a sure sign that we’re thinking ourselves to death.  When I do this obsessing, I know that I have lost perspective.  I suddenly become the center of the universe, and my problems are the only ones that exist.

It always helps me to step back and realize that whatever problem I am having is probably not of universal proportions.  This perspective helps me to see that I am powerless over my crazy thinking, and that it is making my life insane.

Ask yourself:

Will this matter in 10 years? 10 months? 10 days even?

Then give it the perspective it deserves!

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